I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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