college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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