I have demons in me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
