i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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