My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I need to stop coming to work sober
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
