Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
