I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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