my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
