Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
