The maid of honor just puked.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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