sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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