Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
