There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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