I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Randomize
