i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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