Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
