It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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