I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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