stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Randomize
