There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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