I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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