ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
