Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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