I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
