so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Found your dick twin last night
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
