Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
