I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So apparently I’m into choking now
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