when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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