my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
