3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
