I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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