i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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