Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
