Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
