woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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