remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
