I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
