Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Sponge bath it is.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
