You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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