Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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