Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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