That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
