Your mouth is God's brothel.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
