maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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