I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
