Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
