a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
