I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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