Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
