just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
