Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
