I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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