Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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