Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
